he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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