2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
