I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
