3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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