i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
