Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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