ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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