i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
