so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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