Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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