why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
