no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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