i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize