PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
