Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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