I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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