it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
