don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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