you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
