I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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