She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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