I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
