just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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