Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
