I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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