That's intense
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
