Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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