I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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