I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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