So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
