Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
