On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
