Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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