he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize