You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Houston, we have a blender
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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