good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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