well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
