tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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