I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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