It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
