Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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