If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
