I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Are we still banned from the library?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
