Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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