yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
