I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
