I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
