So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
