so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
