Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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