hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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