Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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