her vagine was all disorganized.
from now on my penis is your penis
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
