Got a toothbrush?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
