Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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