this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
