thus making me awesome and them whores
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We had sex on a dog bed..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
