Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
