I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
