I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Farmville is her only friend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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