: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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