imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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