I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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