How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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