You made me cry and you don't even care
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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