id be glad to
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
