You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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