i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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