3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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