What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
