i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
