fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
