If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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