is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
