he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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